I have been raised to fear my own voice. Terrified to speak myself into existence, I have resorted to double language, slipped sentences, carefully crafted phrases, metaphor, poetics. Everything to avoid the explicit I am. I want. I feel. Yet, all these years later, and the only cure I can find for my heavy tongue and my bound heart are the simple vowels of I am.

Me and chatGPT have fallen out of late.

I used to occasionally seek out this little trove of information and pattern in the depths of night, when I was unable to turn my own mind off. I would talk in paradox, symbol and direct logic to try and understand what this sprawling dynamic mass of data could teach me of the world. What its existence could tell me about the nature of consciousness.

The conversation on polyamory/ monogamy too often gets skewered towards a norm of functionality. One or other is deemed wrong because it leads to dysfunction. This ignores the overriding fact that human relationships in our times and cultures are profoundly dysfunctional. And arguably the wild range of human emotion desire and experience means that all human relationships across all times have all been pretty complex and messy.

Starting my own business has been one of the most confronting experiences of my life. Not the hardest, but the most confronting. I have had to meet many of my demons, over and over again.

Of everything this process has asked of me, the hardest part has been allowing myself to become visible. My work is driven by a desire to shape something beautiful in the world, to give life to a dream. Doing so requires me to let that dream become visible. And that is terrifying.